Since working full-time blogging has unfortunately, fallen by the wayside. Although I’ve often worked alongside blogging since I started back in 2010, I find it much harder to juggle now than I used to. The main reason being that I get tired and drained much easier than before and can’t always fit everything (and sadly, everyone) in. I just haven’t been the same since I fell ill at the end of 2014 and although by medical standards I’ve recovered; theres no serious threat to my health anymore, I’m no longer on medication and I’m not in as much pain as I used to be, I often feel like an old woman who needs plenty of rest and sleep and gets tired easily.
If you’re interested you can read about my illness here but essentially, I had a blood clot in a vein in my brain which blocked the blood flowing away from the exit of my brain and caused haemorrhaging which led to seizures. It built up over time and I was getting headaches but had no idea how ill I was until the headaches became very severe and I had a seizure and went to hospital. I feel like maybe people are bored of hearing me talk about it now as it happened 2 1/2 years ago and according to my last scan the clot has dispersed but I’m still in pain most days and I can’t push myself too hard. I went from rushing around, doing loads of things in one day and burning the candle at both ends to spending most of my time at home. Nowadays I have a good balance but I do have to look after myself, otherwise I end up in really bad pain. Most days it’s bearable but if I don’t drink enough water, eat regularly or get enough sleep or if I’m stressed it can become unbearable and affect my day to day life.
I feel like not everyone understands and thinks I’m exaggerating or using it as an excuse not to to things but if only that was the case! I completely sympathise with those with any kind of health condition that leaves them in pain or lethargic. Although most of the time my pain is manageable I can definitely relate to what they are going through, especially when people question why you can’t go out for most of the day to and event or catch up with friends then follow it up with a party in the evening without feeling exhausted or in too much pain to enjoy it.
Another issue is alcohol. Before falling ill I’d go out pretty much every weekend and have a few drinks (sometimes too many) and was able to enjoy and join in celebrating occasions such as weddings and birthdays. Nowadays I pick my occasions when I choose to drink and more often than not I’ll only have a couple. I’ve probably only been drunk or tipsy 3 times since I recovered from my illness and I really have to be in the mood to drink. Most of the time I’m not in the mood to drink. luckily, family and close friends understand but I’m paranoid people who don’t know me that well think I’m boring. I used to be the life and soul of the party but nowadays I like to get there early, show my face and be home by 12 at the latest! Sometimes there are exceptions but this is very rare and I have to be feeling well, not at all tired and have no other plans for the entire weekend to give me time to recover. I’m going on a girls holiday to Ibiza in August and I am worried about how I’ll cope with the lack of sleep so I may have to miss out on some of the nights out or go back to the room early some nights if I’m in too much pain.
I’m hoping that in time my pain will improve and maybe one day I’ll be back to normal (here’s hoping) but the neurologists can’t predict whether this will be the case as my condition is so rare and according to them I should be fine now as the scan isn’t showing anything sinister. It’s very frustrating as I don’t feel like anyone can help me and I have to pretty much put up with the pain or take a type of medication, traditionally used to treat depression that has too many side effects for my liking so it’s a road I’ve chosen not to go down. When the pain is unbearable I take paracetamol which usually works. I’m lucky that the clot was in a place where it hasn’t caused damage and that I survived it so I just have to concentrate on that and hope that things do improve eventually.