For the past few days I’ve been going through a bout of anxiety which has got progressively worse and I know it probably won’t pass for another few days at least. It often involves feeling sick, sweaty and affects sleep as I’m unable to switch off. Most of the time it stems from a particular worry, often health related then spirals. I’ve recently found a lump that I’m not sure about and although I’ve had similar lumps in the past and they’ve turned out to be fine, I can’t help but catastrophise and assume the worst.
It’s been playing on my mind for a couple of weeks and then other worries creep in until it becomes unmanageable. I hate being at home on a Friday or Saturday night, hearing my neighbours talking in their house or garden and convincing myself that they’re going to keep me awake. I become sensitive to every noise and even ear plugs don’t really help. Last night was one of those nights and I don’t think I fell asleep until gone 2am. The heat doesn’t help either.
All I can do is ride this wave until it calms down and I plan to go to the doctors next week to make sure the lump is nothing to worry about but I can’t do this every single time something on my body changes. I’d love to hear from those who suffer similar symptoms and how you cope with it. I find that taking my mind off things helps so I try to get out when I can or if I’m at home I’ll distract myself with the TV or a magazine. Last night I ended up watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians of all things and coincidently Kylie Jenner was suffering from anxiety in that particular episode so it reminded me that even mega rich, famous people aren’t immune.
I hope that as I get older I’ll suffer fewer bouts of anxiety as it is less severe than it was in my teenage years and early twenties. However, in an increasingly uncertain world this is a real challenge. I can just about cope with everyday life so I don’t want to resort to medication, especially as my body doesn’t always respond well to drugs. People suggest things like mindfulness but I’m to stubborn to switch off and try something that feels so alien to me. I find that exercise does help so I do that when I can. I also think once my life becomes a bit more stable it may improve but for now I just need to get through it the best I can.