Health, anxiety and stress

I’ve previously touched on my health issues and anxiety in earlier posts but I’ve been going through quite a bad patch with both recently so I thought I’d share my experiences. I’m sure there are other people out there who feel similar so just know that you are not alone. (Please pardon the MJ song pun).

Since around mid October my head pains have been bothering me everyday and after a period of feeling slightly better it feels like I’m moving backwards rather than forwards. I have a neurology appointment next Friday so hopefully they can give me some answers and perhaps send me for another scan as I haven’t had one since June. I do worry that scans cause more harm than good in the long run but I need to know what’s going on in my head as it doesn’t feel right. I want to earn some money for Christmas so I’m signed up with a job agency to do some temping work and I tried my first assignment last week which involved covering a reception desk. The morning went really well and I quite enjoyed it apart from getting a bit stressed during the manic periods but come the afternoon, the pain in my head was overwhelming and I started to feel sick. I struggled on and saw the day through as I didn’t want to let anyone down but I’m scared to take on any similar work in case it makes me feel really unwell again. I’m still getting pains everyday and have to be really careful not to push myself too far or overdo things.

It didn’t help that I worried about it so much the night before that I hardly slept so felt really tired and anxious until I settled in. I’m terrible at leaving my comfort zones (including lie ins, being at home, going to the gym or visiting family) so I often panic when I have to do anything else. I worried that I’d be incapable of doing the job and let everyone down. The thought of not being able to work the systems, being rubbish on the phone and making mistakes flooded my mind from the moment I found out about the assignment. Once I got the hang of what I was doing I was absolutely fine but this won’t stop me from panicking about exactly the same things the next time I have an assignment lined up.

My anxiety manifests itself mostly through feeling sick, losing my appetite and not being able to sleep. I also become very on edge and jittery so I can’t settle until whatever it is that is making me anxious is over. Luckily, I don’t suffer from panic attacks but can understand how scary they must be. Often when I feel anxious about something tensions are high so I can snap or lose my temper over the smallest thing because I’m so close to the end of my tether anyway. This isn’t ideal for friendships or relationships as people can take things personally or get offended when I snap at them. Does anyone else get really irritable as a result of their anxiety?

On top of all this I also get stressed out very easily and things that probably wouldn’t bother most people tend to affect me. It probably stems from being a perfectionist and wanting everything to run smoothly so when it inevitably doesn’t I panic and worry that I won’t be able to cope. I don’t exactly flourish under pressure and I’m yet to find a job that’s laid back enough for me not to get too stressed about which is no easy task! However, the panicking doesn’t last long and I do tend to get on with things but the constant adrenaline rushes and ups and downs don’t seem to do my health any favours.

Due to these aspects of my personality I do often worry about my future, particularly career wise but once I’m settled in somewhere things do get easier, I relax more and end up doing a pretty good job. I just need to believe in myself more and try to keep calm whenever possible. I would love to hear from anyone who battle similar feelings or suffer from anxiety and any tips you have for coping with it all. There are definitely good days and bad days or I find that I’ll go through a bad patch for a few weeks then be fine for months. All part of the ups and downs of life I suppose.

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I'm a fashion, beauty and lifestyle blogger from London, living in Essex

2 thoughts on “Health, anxiety and stress”

  1. Hello grandad, I completely understand how you feel. It’s a shame that others can’t live one of our bad days just for 24 hours as they’d finally get it. All we can do is make the most of the good days. I tend to just feel life with distractions such as blogging, reading, candles and trash TV! This definitely helps. Also the adrenaline can sometimes be a good thing and I try to use it positively in the gym

    The mad thing is when I’m with you and nanny in Spain I feel safer and much more relaxed and happy when I do in London, especially with everything that’s going on at the moment. I hope you can eventually find peace too and hopefully things become a bit more positive. Looking forward to seeing you both next year xxxx


  2. Hello Darling, just read your thoughts and think I can relate to you and them.
    Not to sure if being your Grandad is on paper the norm to for us to talk and understand each others struggle with our depression and emotions, but I don´t mind if you don’t
    First as you know people who are blessed not to have this problem can never really understand what you go through, unlike pain which we all can relate to.
    I find that if things do not go to plan or plans or arrangements change it’s very hard to deal with. Also uncertainty about things in the future is a constant worry.
    I am told this is normal when you suffer with depression.
    Also ill health with depression is worse, but if I could get rid of only one it would be depression.
    I also get very irritable at times which makes a happy relationship with friends and family ( and wife ) hard. Nanny says to me ” it’s very to live with someone who is depressed ” this does not help things, but do understand her.
    Unfortunately there is no cure for this problem, unlike most other medical problems, apart from anti depressants which help a bit is used carefully, but are not a solution.
    I don’t suppose this will help you, but is just to let you know I understand what you are going through.
    All my love and hope you can find peace in your mind one day soon.
    Love Grandad xxxx


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