It’s hard to admit this but sometimes I feel like a Billy no mates. I have a handful of close friends who I love but I don’t get to see them as often as I’d like due to where we both live and family or work commitments. I’m currently planning drinks for my birthday and some of my friends are making an effort to come which I really appreciate but I’m worried that something will happen to stop them from coming nearer the time and without that group I only have one other friend who has confirmed that she’s definitely coming. I’ve always had different groups of friends rather than just being part of a particular group so I’ve never really had that sense of belonging and since I’ve been ill I’ve felt that sense of isolation more than ever. I just don’t feel like I truly fit in anywhere. It doesn’t help that I’m feeling down, mostly due to my grandad being terminally ill which has left me feeling lost. Nothing can comfort me and I’m no longer the fun person to be around that I once was.
I just hope that most of my friends can make it to celebrate my birthday with me and temporarily take my mind off what has been one of the worst years of my life. I can still occasionally let my hair down and have a good time so I want to be that person again before that side of me becomes completely buried. Does anyone else feel this way or is it just me?