I’m not sure if it’s just me but it really does feel like once we hit 2020 things started going terribly wrong. The world feels like a dark, sad scary place and there are constant threats all around us. The news is full of terrible events, threats of war and pandemics. Even if you avoid the news, social media often refers to what’s going on in the world and can lead you down a rabbit hole of conspiracy theories. I don’t remember a scarier period in my lifetime if I’m honest.
Personally, my life started going downhill around 2021 when I was diagnosed with Essential Thrombocythemia and I’ve had further blows to my health since. Last year I got Covid in March then felt very unwell for about 2 months as my ET symptoms appeared to go haywire. I was experiencing weird tingling numb feelings, significant dizziness and extreme fatigue. Around the same time my grandad was also in and out of hospital which caused stress and worry for me and my family.
I feel like since then my health has just gone downhill and I’ve experienced all sorts of unusual feelings, twinges and pains. I had an MRI scan on my ears and head in October then received a letter in December saying that I have an arachnoid cyst and was being referred to another hospital. As you can imagine this was very scary and the worry definitely put a dampener on Christmas. Thankfully the cyst is small and doesn’t currently need treatment at the moment but will need to be monitored so that’s another worry lurking in the back of my mind. (almost literally!) I also have other symptoms that may need looking into so it does seem to be never ending with my health worries.
For those of us that suffer from anxiety these times can be difficult to navigate and feelings of uncertainty, worry, panic and helplessness are a regular occurrence. This year I’ve started reading more books to almost bury my head in another world, temporarily taking my mind off what’s going on in this one. I also listen to lively music but that’s makes me want to go out and dance which isn’t always practical, especially in January when it’s freezing, everyone is skint and my own motivation is low. I’m trying to make plans to have things to look forward to but I can’t help thinking what if something happens to ruin those plans? I do have moments where I can switch off a bit temporarily which helps.
I can only hope that things will improve and the clouds of doom will start to lift but to be honest, I’m not so sure. Does anyone else feel this way or is my anxious mind skewing my outlook? I can only try to enjoy all the little moments as much as I can.
Chelsey Prentice 