I thought I’d write a very honest post about how life feels for me at the moment as I wondered if anybody else feels similar and I also don’t really have anything else to blog about at the moment to be completely honest! I used to love going out and meeting new people but now I tend to avoid those situations when I can as I’m at an awkward point in my life. When people talk about work and their social lives I can only really listen as I don’t have much to contribute. I feel like all the good days are in my past and I’m impatiently waiting to get as close to full health as I can, to move out of London and to start a new job that is local to where I live. Hopefully then I’ll feel like I have purpose again and can feel part of conversations rather than just a spare part who has nothing to contribute.
I’m sorry if this post is very writing heavy (It seems that most blog readers are obsessed with the visual element of photographs) and that it isn’t the most positive but I do think that it’s important to be honest and say how you really feel. So many people are ashamed of their negative feelings and don’t want others to think badly of them, so they gloss over their true feelings and put on a bit of a front but it’s ok not to be ok.
I’m trying to get out and reconnect with friends and family members which is helping my state of mind but I’ve been hit with some sort of virus this weekend which has knocked me back down a bit. I’m sure this feeling will pass and I have lots to look forward to in the summer and Autumn such as a family holiday in August. I just can’t help but sense a black cloud looming over the future though and a fear that something is going to happen to ruin the things that I’m looking forward to. Does anyone else ever feel like that or is it just me? I think it’s like a ‘too good to be true’ complex that I have! I hope I’m wrong anyway and that things do improve over the coming months.