For as long as I can remember I’ve been quite a nervous person who worries and panics and works myself up over things that wouldn’t bother most. As a child I had a phobia of loud noises, would freak out if my mum started the car before everyone had got in and was always convinced that our house would blow up after watching a gas explosion on Neighbours! As I’ve got older I’m not quite as bad but the anxiety has never left me. I find that I go through bad periods of it when I’m worried about something particular or a number of things. Luckily, I don’t have panic attacks but it does make me feel on edge and affects my sleep and appetite. In the past I’ve worked myself up so much that I’ve ended up being sick but this hasn’t happened for a couple of years. Situations such as job interviews can trigger quite severe anxiety and I’ve had to give up on driving tests as I got myself in such a state but I’ve had it for so long that I’ve just learnt to weather the bad times as they’re not permanent.
At the moment I’m not sleeping properly, have aches and pains all over my body and have a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach because my grandad is seriously ill and currently in hospital waiting for an operation. I feel so helpless, worried and sad and although we are yet to find out the full prognosis it isn’t looking good. It’s obviously affecting every aspect of my life but I know that one day these uncertain times will be a memory and all I can do is spend as much time with him as possible and make the most of that time.
One thing I’ve learnt about anxiety is that in most cases the fear isn’t as bad as the reality and we have an inbuilt survival instinct to deal with whatever life throws at us. It isn’t easy but it makes you a stronger person and more appreciative of the positive parts of life.